A Special Kind Of Love

Jubal Lourdes and Irene Ch’ng were an outstanding couple who touched the lives of many.

by Darrel Lourdes

Jubal and Irene in Bali on 27 Nov 2002 - just three days before their deaths

"I had written something on paper about Jubal and Irene but as I stand here, looking at the crowd in the Church, I realize that there is nothing I can say, that will speak louder than what we can see here today. The fact that there are so many people here today is testimony to the lives Jubal and Irene lived. This crowd is a statement towards how outstanding they were as people.”

Let me start by thanking all of you for being here. This last week has been a very intense celebration of the human spirit. We have cried and laughed together - felt the bonds of love amongst friend and relatives, found compassion and shared pain in a very unique and special way. My family and I have experienced the best that human fellowship could offer. It has been an intense experience of empathy and compassion for many of us. It has also been a very long and intense week for many of us and I think it is time to let go and move on. I would like to take this opportunity to thank a few people on behalf of my father before I move on to talk about Jubal and Irene….

Soon Seng (Irene’s brother) and I reached Bail at about 4.00 pm on Sunday, 1 December 2002. It was a cloudy day. They sky was dark. It had rained. It was a 55-minute drive from the Airport to the Bali Spirit Hotel and Spa. By the time we arrived, it started to rain.

“Come Back”

We asked for the manager and tried to get in touch with people who would be able to help us understand what had happened. In the midst of that, we looked over the balcony of the hotel and saw a swimming pool, drained of its contents, with a police line around it. We knew this was the pool that had taken the lives of Jubal and Irene. Soon Seng continued to try to get in touch with the manager. I left him to it and went down to the pool that was a distance from the lobby.

By the time I reached the pool, it was raining quite heavily. There in the rain, I screamed and shouted. It was anger and hurt that I felt most but at the back of my mind I kept telling Jubal come back, come back Another part of my mind kept telling me this was not possible, but I could not stop myself from asking him to come back…. not to go, come back!

The next day, we went to the hospital in Sangla. When they pulled Jubal out of the freezer, and removed the cloth that they used to cover him, the first thought that came to my mind was: You still look so handsome. I bent over him. I gently touched his hair and it felt so soft. Then I touched him on his chest with great care, afraid I would hurt him or give him more pain then he had already felt. I held his arm. And it was so cold. In my mind, I kept saying come back, come back, come back!

I am sure I am not the only one here today saying “come back”. The fact that there are so many of us today telling Irene and Jubal to come back is a testament to the lives they lived. It is clear to me that we will not remember Irene and Jubal for the degrees they got or the honours they picked up or for their material wealth.

But we all remember how they had loved and cared for us. An experience of them always left us feeling better, complete, more fulfilled as people. They were outstanding friends. They were good listeners; they shared what they had, brought humor into our lives and they cared for us. The fact that there are so many of us here today is a testimony of that love.

Photos In The Wallet

We experienced their love … and we are here to mourn - to mourn the fact that we will no longer have this love in our lives. The fact that we are struggling to let them go is a testimony of the life these two people lived. It is hard, and the pain is so deep, and we cannot help but ask them to come back.

Another thing that stands out for me today, as I stand here thinking of them, is the love they shared for each other. When Soon Seng and I were clearing their stuff in Bali, we found in their wallets the first photos they carried of each other. The photos were about 14 years old. They had laminated it so that it would be preserved. Each had one of their wedding photos in his/her wallet.

If you saw the photos we brought back of their holiday, you would notice the joy they found in each other. When we spoke to the people in the hotel, they were surprised that they had been married for 12 years with two children. They told Soon Seng and me they thought Jubal and Irene were boyfriend and girlfriend having a great time in Bail. They said their fellowship looked so fresh, like a young couple in love.

For many of us, the love that they shared has always been a great reminder of how good a relationship can be. They had a deep, meaningful, real and grounded way of relating to each other. They had their moments of struggle, just like all couples, but these moments were always the stepping-stones to something better.

One of the most powerful images of love in my mind is of Jubal in the ICU, leaning over Irene after she had undergone a brain tumour operation. He looked bent and broken as if he himself had gone through the operation. There was so much gentleness in his body. He touched her with so much care. There is no doubt that they shared a strong bond, right till the end.

A Special Relationship

Another thing I believe will linger in our minds is the love they shared for their children. I have seen the two boys grow from little babies into handsome, strong young men and there is no denying the influence Jubal and Irene had on them. They did not become good boys by chance. They are good because of the love Jubal and Irene gave them.

I still remember the many conversations I had with Jubal and Irene over the parenting questions they struggled with. I remember walking into the hospital late at night and finding Jubal bent over (younger son) Dwayne as Dwayne struggled with a fever. I remember (elder son) Daniel cuddling up against Irene after her operation, looking so happy with the nest he had found in his mother. There are just so many memories that could be shared here today.

I must say it feels good to stand here today talking about Jubal and Irene. It feels good to be able to say with confidence that we will remember them for the love they shared, for the love they gave and for the love they had for their children. If feels good to say that we will not remember them for the superficial things of life but for the way they loved. It feels good to say that they touched the lives of the people they met; it feels good to say that Irene and Jubal’s relationship offered so many of us hope and comfort. It feels so good to say that these were outstanding parents and people.

I feel proud to have known Jubal, my brother. I feel proud that we shared a special relationship for 35 years. I feel proud of who he was. I also feel proud of Irene. In the last few days, the number of people who have come up to me and talked to me about how she touched their lives makes me proud. I feel proud of her as a person and as a friend. I feel proud of them as a couple. I feel proud I had the chance to know them.

Falling In Love

Dear Mummy and Pappa We write this note with grief in our hearts. Both of you have left us so suddenly. We cannot believe it. We feel very sad and dejected. Even though we will be missing both of you, the rest of our lives, we will never forget the “Happy Times” we had together with both of you. Tata, Amachi, Ama, Chinaih, Chinnamah and Ayumi will miss you and mummy very much. Please pray for us so that we will live a good life in this world so that both of you will be very proud of us. Pappa and Mummy, do you know how much people prayed for you and mummy. Pappa, you always pray to God. We hope God will help us to live a good life. We expect to live in this earth from now on, with your blessing and prayers. We love both of you very much. We end this letter with tears in our hearts. Goodbye (signed) Danniel and Dwayne Daniel and Dwayne placed this farewell letter in each of the urns containing the remains of their parents which were then buried.

I would like to end this with a story. This happened about 14 years ago. Jubal and I used to live in Madras Lane. We had a swing in front of our house that is now in my mother’s house. While I sat on the swing and Jubal sat on a stone structure opposite me, he told me he had fallen in love with Irene. He said he had liked her for a while but was unable to tell her about it because he feared that she did not feel the same way. He feared rejection and feared losing a good friend. So he held back his feelings and used to go out on dates with Irene pretending to be friends.

One of their more popular outings was the swimming lesson provided by Irene. After one of the swimming lessons, on their way home, Irene was singing a song. At a key line in the song, she stopped and glanced at Jubal, and Jubal knew that she was in love with him too and their love began. I do not remember the name of the song that Jubal mentioned but I remember the line from the song: “The next time I fall in love, it will be with you.” And I am sure, the next time they fall in love, it will still be with each other!

We should wish them a good journey. They will be missed. May their souls rest in peace.

Jubal and Irene were found dead in the hotel swimming pool on the morning of 30 Nov 2002. Police in Bali ruled out suicide and, days later, a post-mortem confirmed the cause of death as drowning. Hundreds attended the moving Funeral Mass held on 7 December 2002 at the Church of the Immaculate Conception in Pulau Tikus, Penang.

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