I Can No Longer Be With You A painful message to all my friends from Yayori Matsui
This summer I attended several international meetings and conferences in various countries. I was as energetic as I enjoyed horse riding in the grasslands in Mongolia in August and swimming in Islamabad on my way to Kabul early this month. I felt no symptom, but my liver had been silently affected by this disease over the years.
I wished to live at least 10 more years, and I feel really unfortunate to have to leave you in the midst of struggle. I feel as though I was abruptly hit by a natural disaster. However, I try to maintain serenity and accept this fate as divine providence caring to give me a little early rest in sympathy for my 68 years of intense life.
I can stay calm because I feel that I have been able to lead a meaningful life thanks to the support of all of you. It is my great comfort, in particular, that the Women’s International War Crimes Tribunal 2000 of which I was one of the initiators was successfully carried out and that it handed down its judgment of historic significance at the Hague in 2001. I sincerely ask all of you to make the best use of the judgment and promote the tribunal’s message across the world.
The Japanese media not only ignored the historical event of this tribunal and its judgment, but also NHK, the public TV station, broadcasted a programme on it that distorted the meaning of the tribunal. As you may know, we sued NHK to hold it accountable for falsification of the tribunal’s message. I deeply regret that I will not be able to fulfil my responsibility as a plaintiff in this litigation. I wish for your continuing support of our NHK lawsuit to seek a just judgment.
I look back on my three decades of involvement in Asian issues, as a journalist at the Asahi Shimbun and as a women’s movement activist throughout the decades, and I realize anew how greatly I have been encouraged and inspired by encounters with powerful women of many Asian countries I visited. I can think of my life positively when I hear young Japanese women working in different Asian countries telling me that my books or speeches motivated and inspired them to get involved in what they do. I would feel rewarded if my trajectory of life as a feminist and independent woman has encouraged and stimulated many women to fight to change this sexist society.
I admit there were moments when I felt deeply hurt and agonized by betrayals, misunderstanding, persecution, and violence. Now, those days seem far away in the past. I feel most proud of having always been on the side of “the least important” underprivileged people and resisted those in power. I used to write a newspaper column using “Flame” as the pen name, and signed my magazine articles as Suga Akiko, an amalgam name made from two rebellious Meiji women, to express my commitment to fight discrimination, exploitation, and injustice. My life has been a life of action propelled by outrage and anger against injustice. I have been offered no official or social status of power, and I take that as an honor.
Aside from the four years of illness in my high school years, I have been always blessed in my life. I grew up in a warm family, received much love and affection from many people, and enjoyed the friendship of a number of wonderful friends. I have lived freely, traveled to so many countries, and enjoyed movies which I love so much.
However, I am profoundly concerned about the current global situation. Many people are affected by armed conflicts and the “war on terrorism” is expanding. Having lived through the 20th century which was filled with violence and war, I am hoping for a peaceful, non-violent 21st century. I regret that I can no longer be with you in the struggle for this goal, but I am sure that you will carry on this struggle and will achieve the peace that is my dream.
I am sorry that I cannot pursue any more the various kinds of activities to which I have been committed. Especially, as Director of Asia-Japan Women’s Resource Center (AJWRC) and Chairperson of Violence Against Women in War Network, Japan (VAWW-NET Japan), I want to extend my deep appreciation to their members and I wish for further development of their activities. I ask you all, my friends, to provide continued support for AJWRC and VAWW-NET Japan. I will also leave to all of you the dream that I have shared with my friends – the establishment of a “Women’s Museum on War.”
I cannot help feeling uneasy, though, anticipating physical pains and psychological fears that I must have to endure from now. I will do my best to live as long as possible, by a day or even an hour. Please save a place in your prayers for a miracle. During the time that is left to me, with my last physical and mental strength, I will try to write and speak what I want to tell.
Now, I want to apologize to those whom I may have hurt or caused any trouble to. Friends, I ask for your forgiveness for having not been able to make time to talk more personally with you due to my extremely busy life. Once again, please accept my heartfelt gratitude to all of you for giving me such a wonderful life. I am truly thankful.
Please forgive me that I surprise you by this e-mailing. If you kindly send me your words, please do so by fax or e-mail.
With many thanks from the bottom of my heart,
Now tell us what you think. E-mail us.
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